It’s no secret that Jennifer Lopez’s buttocks have been dethroned as the reigning awe-inspiring celebrity arse. Kim Kardashian’s posterior has left J-Lo’s cheeks in the budonkadust. Miss Kardashian suffered an embarrassment recently (no, not that one) when her custom-prepared Surinam cockroach brooch broke escaped from its chain and headed straight for browner pastures. Remarked Kim, “When you have an ass as fantastically phat as mine, you have to be prepared for the inevitable - creatures moving into it.” So the backside tenant was part of the Kardashian master plan then. Fascinating. Although we’re not entirely certain if she’s referring to the roach or “rapper” Ray-J. In which case a more accurate description would be “moving in and out“. In and out. In and out.

CSI: New York jumped on the brooch bandwagon last month when they featured one of our very own tiny thespians on an episode entitled Of Wine and Roaches. When shooting wrapped, Melina Kanakaredes asked if she could keep the unique prop and recently wore her new friend - whom she has named Constantinides after her husband - on Late Night with David Letterman. Melina told Dave that she much preferred letting the roach crawl around in her dressing room as opposed to Carmine Giovinazzo.

Ethan Hawke bought this Nicaraguan Banana Roach Brooch for Uma shortly before they parted ways in 2003. Ms. Thurman still wears the jewelry on special occasions, usually to high profile Hollywood movie premieres. Industry insiders have hinted that the pin is now worn by Uma as a secret message to Hawke when she’s certain he’s at home alone, watching her on TV. The message is likely “fuck you you cheating bastard, have fun with that jar of vaseline and made-for-TV movie roles.” But we’re paraphrasing.

Dawn writes: Is this a joke? This has to be a joke!! This is one of the most inhumane, grotesque and utterly disturbing things I have seen the human race do to a defenseless living being in the name of “fashion” and “entertainment” in a while. This has to be a joke.Dawn, we’ll never tell. Now get yourself a roach.

The hot word on the grimy Bowery street is that Michelle Damon is absolutely thrilled with her and husband Johnny’s recent relocation to New York City. Now a Yankee after a long stint with the Boston Red Sox, Johnny’s fortunes have grown even larger - so we were hardly surprised when he called and ordered a Roach Brooch for his lovely bride. We agreed to provide him a lifelong supply of the little buggers, in return for his Red Sox Tickets. Johnny readily agreed, and you’ll now be able to see the RB crew behind home plate. Actually, it’s quite a ways behind home plate - across the street at the Cask N’ Flagon. It would appear Johnny’s not quite as popular in Boston as he used to be.

“I certainly hope animal rights activists get involved with this one. It’s absolutely disgusting that living creatures are subjected to this torture and cruelty. The people who design and those would buy this pathetic excuse for jewellery should be subjected to something equally as disgusting. The stockades of the 16th century come to mind.”

Thanks for the email, Pamela. You do realize it’s a cockroach, right? Most of the people who have purchased these keep them in terrariums and give them a life much better than the average roach will have in the “wild”.

Miss Electra has been one of the first big name celebrities to purchase one of our new Madagascar Hissing Cockroach Brooches - which feature glued on trinkets and comes with a pin and chain. After you pin the brooch to your clothing, and attach the chain, the live roach is free to wander about your chest at its discretion. We were impressed with Carmen’s lack of revulsion at the new fad, but then remembered her track record. Dennis Rodman, Prince and Dave Navarro have been creeping and crawling around her cans collectively for over a decade.

Boob tape, so popular amongst celebrities who need to keep their flimsy dresses, gowns and costumes from embarassing slippage, is now being used for securing jewelry. In this photo, Ashlee Simpson can be seen wearing one of our signature brooches at the 2005 MTV VMAs - a good half inch above her neckline. Shortly after this photo was taken, Ashlee was hit so hard on her bare skin with a flyswatter that she had to wear one of Jessica’s turtlenecks for several weeks afterwards. This inadvertently inspired last year’s short lived series, “Pimp My Neck”, hosted by Andy Dick.

Nothing quite puts the damper on a relationship with famous parents like the leak of a filthy sex video onto the internet. It’s worse when the guy who’s schtupping you is a good foot shorter and wearing a hat that looks like it was discarded hastily by one of the Fat Boys when they saw an ice cream truck. If you look very carefully at this still from Paris Hilton’s infamous sex tape, you’ll notice a Roach Brooch original that we made for her lying on the bed in the background. We have it on good authority that when Rick Solomon found this the next morning, he went out and purchased enough Rid to delouse Tiajuana.

Although he was raised on them in his native Cambodia, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have attempted to discourage adopted son Maddox from snacking on insects. Part of the process has been to outfit him with one of our shellaced and petrified celebrity brooches, as the extra gloss makes for a truly revolting taste. But then when you’re raised on bugs, revolting is apparently a very relative term. Little Maddox has also recently been given a mohawk in an attempt to keep him from listening to Rancid.